Chapter 17- Why is there Blue Kool Aid under my Ferrari?

On Thursday, September 11 2008 someone searching for “mistress, walla walla, washington” found my site and stayed for some time. While I doubt I was much assistance with their research I hope they enjoyed the blog.


Why is there Blue Kool Aid under my Ferrari?

Several weeks after the track day, I noticed a few drops of what appeared to be blue Kool-aid on the floor of the garage. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I hoped the drips were Kool-aid they were more likely coolant dripping from the radiator just behind the driver’s door. There are times when I miss the dirty, dark concrete floor. A few drops of blue liquid would disappear. On the white tiles the drops were like a neon blue sign signaling that something was wrong.

Strangely, after a couple days the car stopped leaking coolant. Either it healed itself, was completely out of coolant, or was waiting to surprise me with a flood of coolant at the least appropriate time.

For many years Barb and I had wanted to visit Walla Walla and the surrounding wine country so when the Ferrari Club offered a trip to Walla Walla I decided it would be a great chance to see some great cars, drive some great roads, and visit some great wineries. If I spent the summer driving around Portland it will be the same thing over and over. How many times can I write about a trip to New Seasons to get ice cream or beer? A road trip of over 600 miles, with a chance to mingle with a bunch of other Ferrari owners in the middle should give me a Ferrari experience which will be substantially different from my hermit like existence. I thought the only hitch would be arranging for someone to watch the kids for the weekend so I called the host hotel.

“Hi I’d like to make a reservation for the 27th and 28th for the Ferrari Club event.”

“Let’s see. Their block of rooms are sold out and there are no other rooms available. Sorry, good bye.”

Ouch. Nothing like getting put in your place. The other hotel recommended by the club was the Holiday Inn Express. I have nothing against Holiday Inn Expresses but it seems an inappropriate place to stay for a Ferrari Club weekend let alone the first weekend Barb and I have had together sans children in eleven years.

Maybe there was a bed and breakfast available. A B&B would be nice, smaller, romantic, and give us a bit of breathing room from the other Ferrari Clubbers. Every B&B in Walla Walla I called was full. I was getting frustrated. I wanted to go on this trip. Barb wanted to go on this trip. Holiday Inn here we come. Sold out! The Holiday Inn in Walla Walla was sold out. What was going on in Walla Walla that made it so popular?

Eventually I found a place with rooms, a yoga spa about seven miles outside of town. I hesitated a moment and when the screen refreshed one of the few remaining rooms had been booked. I grabbed my credit card and booked a room. When I told Barb she thought it was perfect. So, our summer road trip was planned. We were going to drive the Ferrari about 300 miles into the middle of Washington, visit wineries, drive on beautiful country roads, and enjoy ourselves.

A few days before Barb and I were to leave for Walla Walla, I decided to have Tonkin give the car a check up, especially the cooling system, as we were going to be putting upwards of 600 miles on it in one weekend.

There was one complication.

It was self inflicted.

On Sunday June 22, 2008 a few days after the RTGT Ferrari track day and a few days before the Walla Walla trip I decided to tackle the lower plastic piece that covers the steering column. It had some scratches near the keyhole. I was expecting this piece to be pretty easy to refinish. It is large but without many dents or complex surface features. The car was going in for service the following day but I figured I could refinish this piece and have it back in the car in an hour or two.

Not all the interior pieces of the 355 wanted to be refinished. As I was removing the sticky stuff covering the plastic I thought “too bad was careless when starting the car, rest of it is in nice shape.” Then it started to melt. It must have been made from a formulation of plastic which was different from the air vent. It melted. Not all the way, just partially. It looked like a Martian landscape with tiny river valleys revealing the presence of water.

The Ferrari went in for service looking like I stole it. Tonkin did not have the steering column surround in stock so I ordered one from Ricambi. I ordered it on-line and added a note begging them to ship it soon as possible. About two minutes later I received a call from one of the guys at Ricambi letting me know he received the order and was processing it as we spoke.

The little drips of blue Kool Aid turned out to be from the radiator. Not from a leaking hose. It had a tiny crack in it. My first impulse was to ask Tonkin to smear some JB Weld on it or send it to a radiator shop to have it brazed. I resisted this impulse and Tonkin over nighted a new radiator from somewhere. I had just spent a bundle of money on Ferrari stuff. The service, including the radiator was $1,462 and the new steering wheel column was $300. I suppose it was lucky I had already missed my goal of not spending money on maintenance.

Chapter 16 - A Mistress You Keep in the Garage Part II

Monday August 4 2008 with a generous dose of excitement someone exclaimed “wow how to get to Ferraris”. With what I expect was less excitement someone queried “boxberger vacuum”. I did the same. There were more responses than you might expect. My favorite was a page which contained both “boxberger” and “Image Analysis on Temperature Distribution within Lettuce Undergoing Vacuum Cooling”


A Mistress You Keep in the Garage Part II

The black silly putty in the Ferrari got stickier in the summer. I associate summer in Oregon as a wonderful time for growing things. Everything green is sprouting and growing, making the most of a fertile combination of rain and sun. I never assumed the Ferrari would react so vigorously to the season. Interior bits which looked great when the temperature was 55 degrees began to sprout a thin growth of lint at 85 degrees. As I spent more time in the car the sticky, furry bits and poor fit of the leather around the center AC vent began to get on my nerves.

I decided to remove the center AC vent in an effort to get the leather dash to fit better. This project was a nice size for me. It was also one of those projects that can be worked on for an hour or two and then put down without inconveniencing anyone. A three step project was required for sprucing up the dash. First, remove the vent. Second, peak under the leather, determine what was causing the little dent in the leather above the vent and treat the leather. Third, replace the vent, changing its angle slightly so it sat evenly from top to bottom.

The first part of the plan went well. If you like to take things apart Ferraris are great cars. I bet you could disassemble the entire car with only a few tools, most of which can be found in a kitchen junk drawer. The vent came out with only a few minutes work. Once out I realized how bad the gooey finish on the vent was and that it would not look appropriate once the leather was tidied up.

That’s the problem with fixing things. Perfecting one piece of the whole only makes the other parts look worse. It’s all or nothing. The goo had to go.

I checked Ricambi to see how much a new vent would cost. $433. Ouch! For 433 I will try refinishing it, if I screw up and it turns out looking worse I can buy a new one or have someone with more talent give it a try. While browsing the Ricambi site for the vent I ended up buying two trim pieces, the piece which houses the controls for the mirrors and a larger more complex piece which fits over the metal gate for the shifter and holds a number of switches. Compared to the vent they were a deal. Total cost for both pieces was less than $100.

The only component left to replace is the big kahuna of 355 sticky parts, the AC/Heater control module. Ricambi has them available – for $1,400. Luckily they also have a sticker which, with a bit of work allows you to use the internals of the module but rid yourself of the sticky top.

To remove the goo from the AC vent I tried first Goof Off. It did not do a good job. It made finish gooeyer. Next I tried Acetone. That did the trick. About half an hour later my garage was full of rags covered with goo. With the black goo removed I saw why Ferrari had coated the plastic pieces. The raw plastic looks like something out of a 80s Ford. I can imagine the conversation at Ferrari. “OK for the 355 we’re going to do something special. A stealth bomber matte black finish on the interior pieces.” The supplier having never seen a stealth bomber translates this to “It’s Ferrari, use the shiniest stuff possible” Ferrari folks get it back and say “Uhh that’s awful, spray it with some of the coating we put on the underside of the car.”

When it’s not scratched up or sticky the finish is actually very pleasant. It has a rich, smooth satin look to it. The finish of the new ashtray is very nice. To refinish the vent I bought three cans of paint to see if I could get a close match. I used the old ash tray housing to test the different paints. My first try was a rubberized paint. It had the right texture but was too shiny. Second try, too gray. The third, a flat black model paint made by Testor was the best. I found that if I sanded it with fine steel wool it was an almost exact match for the factory finish, except it was not gooey.

The diversion with the vent kept me from tackling the leather on the dash. With the vent removed and refinished it was time to get my project back on track. I had two steps left. First, repair a slight depression, visible under the leather that runs in a gentle curve from the one side of the vent opening to the other. Many 355s have a similar depression. I figured the depression was the result of a dent in the dash. Turns out the backing for the leather had shrunk or never reached all the way to the vent. I fixed it with a piece of backing cut to fill the space.

As I was playing with the car I had time to reflect about the different aspects of the car and their appeal to me. There is much about the car which appeals to me. To me the 355 represents the result of a very direct, very pure focus on building the most wonderful road car possible. It can be argued that there is bit more luxury than is strictly necessary but when compared to most other sports cars all aspects of its design represent a dedication to driving that is difficult to match.

Why does this matter?

In my opinion it is not possible to achieve something special, something great, without an uncompromising focus on a clearly defined goal. The more pure the goal and maniacal the focus the better the result. Life is the same way. The goals of young life, to learn, grow, and have fun are later obscured by needs, real or self imposed -work, houses, cars, big sofas, storage closets, new drive-ways, landscaping – all of which smother the original goal. Our time here is so short, so precious why do we spend so much of it doing things which are of low value or not to our liking?

I think the idea of a good use of time has been corrupted. A good use of time does not always mean a productive use of time. With caveats a “good” use of time is time spent in pursuit of an activity you find pleasurable or rewarding.

Having fun is a good use of time.

Within the context of the Ferrari a good use of time was taking the driver’s seat out and conditioning the leather. Did it need it? Probably not but it was an excuse for Max and I to spend a few hours in the garage together.

Originally, I planned to take out both seats but the passenger seat was stuck in the furthest back position and I could not get to the bolts which hold it in the car.

I was disappointed to find nothing more than 53 cents and some plastic sheeting under the driver’s seat. I was hoping for some shell casings, a passport, something interesting. Before I sell the car I will hide something in it for a later owner to discover, hopefully they will find it interesting.

With the seat out I rubbed a bunch of Leatherique into it. It noticeably darkened the leather. The leather looked better, fresher. Before the treatment it looked more Burgundy than Bordeaux. With the best of intentions I wrapped the seat up in plastic wrap to let it sit overnight before I wiped off any residue and put it back in the car.

That evening, while putting the seat back in the car I got to thinking about Ferrari maintenance, the horror stories I have heard, and sticky interior plastic bits and without a shred of scientific evidence, conjured a theorem out of the ether as I was putting one seat back in a Ferrari. A Ferrari in which one seat refused to be removed.

My theorem is Ferrari owner’s complaints related to maintenance peak when the Ferrari is between 3 to 15 years old. Further the greatest numbers of complaints are from owners of starter Ferraris and these complaints are seldom generated by the original owner.

I think people buy these Ferraris with a few miles and years on them expecting the maintenance to be more or less like the Porsche or Corvette they were driving. Sometimes it is. The same stuff breaks or wears out. The big difference is the rate of failure and the cost of parts. Ferrari stuff wears out quickly and costs more to replace. So many owners gripe about the maintenance they are deferring and sell the car just before it implodes.

Let’s face it, for many owners, myself included, had to stretch to afford a Ferrari. When it comes time to maintain it spending $4,000 or more every year plus any other incidentals along the way can push them over the edge. I don’t recall hearing anyone complain about the maintenance on a 288 GTO. My guess is it costs a good bit more to maintain than my 355. I hear very few 430 owners complaining about their cars but I bet in a few years the next owners of those 430s will be whining about clutch prices, F1 gear boxes, and carbon brakes.

Ferrari does not care.

Ferrari did not build the 355 for me. They built it for the guy who bought it new. He drove it for a few years and sold it. He never dealt with a belt change, sticky interior bit or cat ECUs.

Back to the seat.

I know I was supposed to wait overnight or even a few days to allow the Leatherique to soak in but I couldn’t. I am sure it would have made the leather even softer but patience is not one of my virtues. I peeked under the plastic wrap and decided I had not used enough Leatherique. So I pulled the plastic off, cleaned the seat and put it back in the car. Unlike the passenger’s seat which did not want to leave the car once liberated the driver’s seat wanted to remain free. Two of the bolts which held it in place refused to thread properly so I left them for the morning. It was too late to deal with finicky Italian bolts. I treated the passenger seat in place and left it to sit overnight.

Why am I trying to make the Ferrari look new? It’s not new. I know it’s not new. Why is the patina of age not as beautiful as a pristine new car? In many things patina adds character, texture, even beauty. Maybe it is because the car is in that phase between being old and new. If it survives to 100 I hope the 355 has a nice patina.

Chapter 15 - Ferrari Track Day

It was on Wednesday, July 16 2008 that someone, probably someone sitting at home contemplating the past weekend, spent alone watching reality TV shows asked “do you get more dates if you drive a Ferrari?”


Ferrari Track Day

Turns out there were some fringe benefits to owning a Ferrari. One of which was getting invited to all sorts of interesting car centric stuff. During my year with the car RTGT was closing their dealership every other Tuesday night to show F1 races. If you are a car guy and are not able to attend an F1 race in person the chance to watch a race surrounded by Ferraris while eating pizza, and drinking a beer is not a bad substitute. It was at an F1 night that I was invited to a RTGT Ferrari track day, an even better fringe benefit.

The Ferrari track day was Monday June 16 2008. It was not overcast and there were Ferraris everywhere. I had no idea there were so many Ferraris in Portland. Where had they been hiding? I might see ten Ferraris a year on the road and here were twenty or thirty of them.

The RTGT track day was organized by ProDrive and followed the same format but with an additional session, a fancier lunch, and lots of Ferraris. There were about equal numbers of 360s and 430s, a couple 575s, a Challenge Stradale, one beautiful F50, and a nearly new 430 Scuderia. In addition to the various flavors of Ferraris there was a monster Ford GT with slicks, a race prepped Porsche RS America and a Lotus 211.

There were three 355’s in attendance. The 355’s were the oldest, slowest Ferraris to show up. Chronologically, the F50 was probably a year or two older than my car but as you know I view F50s as timeless. There was sufficient density of exotic cars to cause an unbalance in the universe which resulted in a small but noticeable increase in the price of a barrel of oil.

My goal for the day was to try to follow my advice from the previous track day. Listen to Tony. I was more comfortable this time. I listened to Tony. I went faster. I passed Porsches. I passed Corvettes. I passed Ferraris. I did not pass the Ford. The Ford, which Alex and Christina nicknamed “Noisy Car” passed me. The Ford did not just pass me. It blew me off the track. Once, when it went by I tried to keep up.

Bad idea.

We had both just passed a 360 and I was feeling punchy. I braked too late and entered the chicane with more speed than I wanted. I was still on the brakes after I turned in which resulted in the car being much looser than optimal. Don’t ask a car to do more than one thing at a time. Tony was yelling “Brake, HARD BRAKE!” as we skipped and hopped through the chicane.

Aside from my testosterone induced silliness with the Ford I drove well. For brief moments I explored the limits of grip with the car. It was like being on a flat roof and walking slowly to the edge, looking around and then walking slowly away. It is a testament to the engineering of the 355 that a driver with my limited skills can safely explore its limits. The feedback provided by the car is so clear and so direct that once understood the car can be taken right to the edge of its capabilities.

The car does not obviously telegraph the decreasing amount of traction through squealing tires or slight slipping so much as a general feeling of diminished control. It is as if the road surface becomes progressively slicker as you reach the cars limits. It is a difficult sensation to describe. Once that limit is passed it is another story. A car which was working with you suddenly becomes very difficult to control.

I had accomplished one of the big things I set out to do when I purchased the car. Drive a Ferrari on a race track. After the Pro Drive day I was hooked on driving on the track but I did not feel like I “drove” the car on the track. I went around the track, I went kinda fast but I did not really drive the car. This time I drove the car. If I could have sold the car that instant I would have. It would have guaranteed my time with the car ended on a high note.

When the day was over my brain was mush. Somewhere, at some point I processed too much information and was done, cooked, toast. I felt tipsy, giddy and euphoric, a result of too much sun, gas fumes, and Ferraris. That evening I could still smell overheated brakes in my hair.

What a day.

Sometime after the Ferrari Track Day I stopped dying. Alex became comfortable with my mortality. I am still unsure what causes a young adult to consider their parent’s mortality. Is it an event or combination of events? Is it the result or the child’s increased awareness?

I am confident I could ask Christina if I was going to die and she would answer affirmatively. Alex would have given me the same answer when she was six. Why did it start to bother her when it did? Should I expect the same from Christina when she is 10?

Will I be buying another Ferrari in 2011?

When I consider my own experience I cannot point to any specific event which triggered my sudden worry about my parents dying. It was not a worry I had during the day but as I was trying to sleep all I could think about was my parents dying. I was scared to be alone. My sister was seven, my brother five. How would I care for them?

I missed our talks. She was worried about me. This beautiful, smart, wonderful person who has everything in front of her was worried about me. It made me feel important, special. It made me sure I was necessary in her life. While I missed our talks I was glad she was no longer so worried about me.

Although I was no longer dying I realized I had a desire for greater risk in my own life. Generally, I am a risk adverse person. I do a good job of analyzing and limiting risk of physical injury but wanted greater risk, not too much but some. I suppose a good analogy would be climbing a small mountain with a guide. I thought driving on the Ferrari on the track would satisfy this desire but it did not.

It was an odd combination of desires. On one hand I wanted to do something so over the top and outlandish that someone else would write a book about my exploit. Something akin to sailing around the world solo with only graham crackers, an Ouija board, and a profane parrot. I wanted to entertain the constant risk of a nasty death, a death held at bay by my quick thinking, resourcefulness, and perseverance. On the other hand I wanted to spend all my time with my family. I wanted to ensure that their lives are full, rich, and comfortable.

At first glance these desires seem mutually exclusive, maybe they are. Unfortunately, both are desires I have. Driving the Ferrari on the track was not enough to satisfy my need to “do something risky”. It was a great start, but after the euphoria faded and the smell of gas and burnt rubber left my hair it was not enough.

One of the major realizations of my first track day was how safe it felt to be on the track when compared to driving on public roads. To compound the problem it was not my wits and my skill keeping me from harm. It was Tony’s knowledge of the track, understanding of my skill, and the car’s capability keeping me safe.

Chapter 14 - Getting Resident Status in Ferriastan

On Saturday June 21 2008 someone wondered “what do women think of ferraris”. Again, Google thought I might have the answer. I don’t have the answer but I suspect many men wonder the same. On that same day someone, probably not the same person Googled “sam kennison” and was rewarded with a visit to my blog.


Gaining Resident Status in Ferristan

Until Wednesday, May 21, 2008, I was a tourist in Ferraristan. It is a coincidence that the search term “how nose rings are safe” and the date I stopped being a tourist are the same. I did not get a Ferrari nose ring. I did not even get a Ferrari tattoo. I do have a Ferrari club name tag but I have never worn it.

Until that Wednesday I was borrowing the car. It was on Wednesday, May 21st that I took the car in for service. At that moment I became a citizen of Ferraristan.

Buying the car, taking it to the track, washing it, putting a new floor in my garage, none of these things made me feel like a Ferrari owner. Taking the car in for service, describing its symptoms, surrounded by other broken Ferraris, made me feel like an owner. Silly, sure, but I was happy the car went in for service. Committing to have the car serviced made me feel like it was mine. If I buy another Ferrari, it is going in for service right away, whether it needs it or not.

While taking the car in for service meant the end of my goal to drive the car for a year without spending any money on maintenance, I did not care. I was in a Ferrari whirlwind. Maintaining a Ferrari is part of the ownership experience. So what if I ended up spending some money on maintenance?

Before getting into the service let’s talk about the floor. A Ferrari really is mistress you keep in the garage and I was unhappy with my mistress’s accommodations. I had been unhappy with our garage before the Ferrari brightened it up but once I had the car I began reducing the amount of detritus by moving unused stuff to the attic or Goodwill. This made garage neater but it was still dark and dingy. I spend a good amount of time in the garage, tinkering with stuff, working out, or messing with the cars.

About 480 commercial flooring tiles later and the garage became a significantly less dingy place. For the bulk of the floor I used white tiles and incorporated a checkered flag motif to each side by adding black tiles. Changing the floor transformed the garage. It now looks like a fitting home for the Ferrari and Porsche. It is remarkable what a change it made.

Back to Ferrari maintenance.

When I dropped the car off and described the “SLOW DOWN” light activity Kelly, the service manager, recommended replacing all the ECUs that monitor the temperature in the catalytic converters. He was unsure of the price, but thought they were around $600 each. I said to go ahead and fix it. They were going to look through the codes on the computer to see if they shed any light on the problem. With regards to the short they would call when they had three hours of labor into trying to fix it.

I received a call from the service center around lunch time. They were unable to get the fuse to blow! No matter what they did the fuse was fine. We discussed the diagnostic work I had done and they decided to spend a bit more time tinkering with the car. The cat ECUs turned out to be the source of the “SLOW DOWN” light and they were replaced. This was good news in the sense that bad ECUs were the least expensive of all the problems with cause “SLOW DOWN” lights. There was more good news, Tonkin charged me only $305 a piece, about $20 cheaper than I could find online.

Total bill, $1372.23. They charged me for ½ hours time to diagnose and fix the short which turned out to be some corrosion on a ground. I probably spent 4 or 5 hours taking the car apart looking for the problem. I was glad I took the car to Tonkin for service. They took care of one service campaign which was outstanding and checked the car for any other problems.

None were found.

Please let me brag for just a moment. When I picked the car up one of the service managers commented that several people had remarked on the color and condition of the car and I should have no problem when I was ready to sell it.

It was raining and the traffic was stop and go on the freeway back to the office. The steam coming off the engine caused the rear window to fog up on the outside.

What a great car.

While the 355 was great it was an older Ferrari. There are more capable machines. I knew this but it did not make the car less magical to drive. The word that best describes the 355 is proportional. All aspects of the car, its size, performance, interior, noise, everything seems to be in proportion. I have said this before. It does not need more or less of anything. Driving this car on a beautiful road is simply fantastic. If you like cars you owe it to yourself to find a way to drive a Ferrari on a sunny day on a beautiful road. Trust me, it is worth it.

During my honeymoon with the car there was only one gas station I was comfortable taking it to. In Oregon you are not allowed to pump your own gas. It was not that I didn’t trust other gas station attendants but the first time I had to put gas in the car I took it to this station. The attendant was very careful and asked a bunch of questions about the car. The mechanics came out and looked at the car and took pictures. It was sometime before I had the nerve to take the car anywhere else for gas.

One day, while I was getting gas at my favorite station a fellow walked up and commented that “Grigio” was a great color on the car.

“So you have a Ferrari, what are you getting next?”



“Good question. I have driven a Gallardo, but I’m not sure it would be a good next car.”



I drove the Lamborghini a few months after purchasing the Ferrari. What an impressive car. The performance was out of this world. The 355 was fast, but not in the same way the Gallardo was fast. This was the first car that I have been in where straight line acceleration was so violent that no other word than scary is applicable. The car was scary even without full throttle. When an open stretch of road presented itself I pulled the left paddle to put the car in second and pressed the throttle to the floor. Second gear went by in a flash. About ¾ of the way through third gear I lost my nerve and let off. I suppose that was what I should expect from an all wheel drive car with 500 horsepower but I was unprepared for the speed.

The car I drove was a dark blue 2004 Gallardo with the E gear (paddle shifter) transmission. The car had a mostly black interior with blue stitching. I have always liked the looks of Lamborghinis and think the Gallardo is one of the better looking cars they have produced. I don’t think I would call it a pretty car. The Gallardo is more masculine and intimidating than the 355.

If I were to fault it I would say the Gallardo was too competent and the interior too Audi. I know competency and Audiness are seldom considered faults but in the lexicon supercar they can be.

When does competency become a fault? When it takes a mediocre driver like me and makes me feel like Michael Schumacher, but in a Lamborghini not a Ferrari. The car spackled over the rough spots and imperfections in my driving, allowing me to go more quickly than I would in a lesser car.

Doesn’t sound like a fault does it?

If the goal were to get from point A to point B as quickly as possible it wouldn’t be. When driving on the street absolute speed is not as important as relative speed or imagined speed. In most situations a driver is unable to use even a fraction of the capability of an average car. The Lamborghini would be unfazed at two or three times the speed limit. This excess capacity removes the pleasure that comes from piloting a car on a twisty road at a speed which will not result in jail time. The Lamborghini is simply too good. The Ferrari, with less sure handling and 125 fewer horsepower is more fun to drive.

There was more to it than that. The Lambo with all wheel drive and traction control does more than its fair share of the driving. It provides an unfair advantage. An unfair advantage in what? I am not sure but it does. It should be the driver who makes the car not the car which makes the driver. While the all wheel drive certainly contributes to the cars phenomenal grip and does a heroic job of harnessing the cars power, I believe it makes the car drive heavily and dulls the feedback through the steering wheel causing the Gallardo to lack life. If an accountant or business consultant could be embodied in a car it would drive like this; very precise and very solid but without art or poetry.

The interior of the car looks German rather than Italian. It looks and feels high quality and well laid out but mass produced. I have no doubt that the knobs, dials, and electronics in the Gallardo will outlast those in the Ferrari but they are not as fun. They lack the whimsy and the not for everyone ethic of the Ferrari.

Add it all up and the Gallardo is faster, handles better, is more comfortable, and less expensive to maintain than the Ferrari. It appears the perfect car. But it lacks that extra something, the joie de vie which exists in the Ferrari. The heady affair which exists between Ferrari and driver is less intoxicating in the Lamborghini. I don’t think this was an oversight by Lamborghini. I think it is the German soul in the Italian body.

I know why someone searching for “sam kennison” would visit my site. Starting December 23, 2007 I dreamt of Sam Kennison the next three times I slept. I remembered the dreams but could not remember Sam’s name until the day of the last dream. During a nap on Christmas day, between opening gifts and cooking dinner I dreamt that Sam Kennison and the Ferrari were the same thing and that thing was the leather tongue on a pair of brown shoes that I wear to work.

In my dream I was not bothered by the non sequitur of Sam Kennison and a car being represented in their entirety by a piece of textured brown leather. When I awoke I remembered Sam’s name but could not get my waking mind comfortable with the concept of Sam, the car, and my shoes as one.

The first time I dreamt about Sam Kennison he was not Sam Kennison but the first employee John Halsey, my business partner, and I hired. I was constantly worried that he would yell at our clients. Unfortunately, in the dream I didn’t know his name and felt too uncomfortable to discuss my worry with him. The next night I dreamt that Sam was one of our clients and was yelling at me. I still did not know his name which again put me at a disadvantage.

My next dalliance with a different car, a 911 twin turbo, reinforced my thoughts about the difference between the Ferrari and Gallardo. The 911 I drove was a 996 body style car, I believe it was a 2001, maybe a 2002. It was a metallic tan with a tan interior.

Tan?

A tan supercar? Double tan even. Tan with red would have been something. How about tan and green? Porsche should not have offered this car in tan. I am sure the marketing folks came up with some fancy name for it, Sahara Beige or something equally foolish but regardless of the name this Porsche supercar was the same color as the 1980 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme I drove to high school, tan. The Cutlass had an “I LOVE HAWAII” sticker in the rear window.

Even though it was tan, when I drove the 911 I felt like I was cheating on the Ferrari. I think I will be able to get away with it since I had driven our 911 to work and all 911s smell the same, a reassuring combination of gas, oil, and leather.

If you like cars you must own, or better yet have a friend who owns and lets you drive a Ferrari, a 911 TT, and a Lamborghini. I am sure there are others to add to this list but for now these are the big three, each car delivers a unique driving experience. Until driving the twin turbo I did not think it would make this list. I love our Porsche. Not for its performance but for its personality. I did not think the twin would deliver enough performance to make up for the lack of personality I was expecting. It did.

The 911 Turbo accelerated and decelerated with such ferocity that I worried I might become sick. It felt like my insides were all fighting, trying to see who could be first to get to the back seat. The car pulled harder and harder as the turbos spooled up. More impressive than the performance was the car’s Jekyll and Hyde personality. This is truly a car which could tear around the track then, with perfect civility be used to take the kids to school or pick up groceries. The twin was a race car masquerading as a Lexus while simultaneously being a Lexus masquerading as a race car. In this sense the 911 was superior to the Ferrari and the Lambo. It may be the perfect car if you could only have one vehicle.

When compared to the Ferrari the 911 turbo was not beautiful or engaging to drive. It was dead, where the Lambo was an accountant the 911 was a mortician. Sure, it was faster than the 355 and probably handled better but both cars are well past the point where faster and better handling cease to be important. At this level of car faster and better handling are paper specifications and not exploitable on the road or even the track by someone of my meager talent. What matters is the driving experience. What matters is the whole package and for me the Ferrari delivers that package in a way the 911 did not.

All that said I expect I will own a 911TT someday but after the Ferrari it will be a distant second place. These same feelings have kept me from being too excited about the Lambo. Great car, really fast, but not a Ferrari. It did not have the same ballet dancer, first growth, absolutely refined, designed by genius, no compromise, feeling the Ferrari does.

Chapter 13 - First Time on the Track

First Time on the Track


The first driving class I could attend was a high performance driving class taught by ProDrive. The class was scheduled for late April and would be held at Portland International Raceway or PIR for short. PIR is just less than two miles long. When the chicane is included the track has 12 turns. The front straight is the longest and the only true straight on the track as the back “straight” is really a gentle turn. I figured the ProDrive class would offer me a chance to drive my car on the track in a safe and controlled environment while improving my driving skills.

Before going to the track I wanted to mount a camera in the car so I could film the track day. I tried a number of goofy contraptions before I found a way to securely mount a camera in the car. The dash of the 355 does not present a good platform to mount a camera; it is leather and not very deep. Mounting the camera to the inside of the windshield with suction cups did not work. Only slightly more successful was a spring loaded bar that fit between the rear windows, just behind the seats. It was not a bad idea but the bar did not fit tight enough to keep the camera level.

The camera mount I ultimately devised was much better than my earlier attempts but required more work. Not an unusual combination. The glove box on a 355 is between the seats at shoulder level. Yes, an odd place for a glove box but there is no other obvious place to put it. It is about ¾ the size of a large tissue box, covered in leather and held in place by three bolts. When I sit in the car the flexibility required to open the glove box is just beyond the limit of my ability so I put stuff in the tray in the center console instead.

I removed the glove box and used its base as a template to fashion a plywood mounting plate. I drilled three holes in the plywood plate which made use of the three threaded brackets in the car. To hold the camera in place I recycled an adjustable arm which had held the cellular phone in my old truck and secured it to the mounting plate. The arm allowed me to position the camera where I wanted it. To complete the project I covered the mounting plate in black fabric which matched the black carpet in the car.

With the camera installed I talked Barb into joining me for a test drive to take advantage of the beautiful spring afternoon and find the best camera angle for filming. Five minutes into the drive and it started to rain, the rain got harder then became slushy hail, then snow, then rain, then sun. I was really uncomfortable. I can’t tell you why. When I wash the car it gets wet. I had driven it in the rain before. Driving in the rain should not bother me.

Driving in the rain does seem to bother the car. Maybe Ferraris should not be driven in the rain. Just after the rain started the “SLOW DOWN” light flickered briefly. It could be that dampness is interfering with the sensors attached to the catalytic converters and causing the warning light. In addition to warning you the car, at its discretion, can reduce power or shut itself down if it fears it might be running too hot. I hope this does not happen during my track day. It would be embarrassing to have the Ferrari shut itself down in the middle of the track.

On Thursday April 24, 2008 I arrived at PIR. It was a cold, grey Portland morning. I was not nervous. I had been to PIR many times to race my bike so the track is a familiar place for me. My familiarity with the track both helped and hindered my first trips around PIR in the Ferrari. I benefited from intimate knowledge of the track gained from years of racing a bike on the circuit. Bike or car, the line is pretty much the same. Unfortunately, I was accustomed to following that line at about 25 miles per hour and from the seat of a bike. It looked a lot different at four times the speed and sitting in the Ferrari.

The ProDrive class started with 45 minutes of classroom discussion which revolved around vehicle dynamics, weight transfer and picking correct line. I knew everything presented. I have read enough and driven enough to know all that stuff but knowing is one thing, putting the knowledge to work is another.

Once the classroom discussion was over we went to our cars for three slow laps behind a pace car. I pulled on my helmet, ducked into the car, and got really nervous. So nervous that I fogged up the visor on the helmet and had to put it up so I could see where I was going. We lined up in a staging area in two groups of six and one group of four. I was sandwiched between an Aston Martin V8 Vantage and a Corvette. Leading our group was an instructor in a Miata. The instant we were underway my nerves were gone and I had a great time driving slowly around a race track in my Ferrari.

Maybe the nerves were gone while I was driving but the second the session was over they came back with a vengeance. I think being on the track, hearing all the cars, pulling on the helmet all served to reinforce what I was doing. While driving I was concentrating on getting the car around the track. Back on the paddock I had plenty of time to think about what I was up too. I was not scared of driving fast and only slightly worried about crashing the car or hurting myself. Mostly, I was worried about doing something stupid.

Before heading out for our first real session there was another short classroom discussion to familiarize everyone with the meaning of the different flags then we were into the cars with our instructors. I had requested Tony Cantacio as my instructor. Tony owned the black 430 I attempted to follow out of the Enzo dinner. I know what I did wrong that night. I used too much throttle for the amount of steering angle and the wet pavement. No traction control, lots of power, wet pavement, and a belligerent right foot conspired to slide the Ferrari all over the road. When the car did slide I compounded my error by counter steering and letting sharply off the gas. I felt it was wise not to mention that exploit to Tony as we got acquainted.

There was an 80 mph speed limit during the first session. I broke it. Not by much and it was not entirely my fault, Tony kept saying “more gas, more gas”. That first session was an eye opener. 80 Mph was plenty fast to give me a feeling for how hard the car could turn and how quickly I was able to be on the gas exiting a turn. I had no idea a car could handle so well. Even with the reduced top speed I went faster through corners than I ever had on the street.

The Pro Drive course consisted of four 15 minute sessions. Tony was in the car with me for each session, providing advice on line, breaking, balance, throttle input and the hundreds of other variables which go into driving. By the third session I felt more confident and ready to expand my driving limit. I must be honest. I never pushed the car’s limit. Not even close. Even during the last session, in the rain, Tony was still saying, “more gas, unwind the wheel, more gas”. I thought we were at the limit. I thought there was no way we could go faster. We were at a limit, mine not the cars, my internal traction control system had kicked in.

When I pulled off the track, at the end of the last session, I realized I didn’t have the guilty feeling I get after driving too fast on the road. Please understand I usually drive slowly on the street. I don’t take silly chances, speed, or show off – usually. I remember a time, about two years ago, I was driving our 911 down a nice road by our house, having fun. The top was down, it was sunny, a great day for a drive. I came around a bend and there was a photo radar station. No chance to slow down. My speed flashed up on the screen 39 MPH. Uh oh. Until I noticed the posted speed limit was 45. I was going six miles per hour under the speed limit.

You get the point.

I know this sounds obvious but at the track you can go as fast as you can go and it is OK. My top speed at PIR was about 140 MPH. Not super fast but fast enough. My speed through corners, while not up to the pace of the other students, was enough to have attracted the attention of any police officer, had I been on the street. At no time did I feel I was at risk or that I was putting others at risk. During the entire day I felt safe and in control even when cornering fast in the rain.

I did not expect to learn much from the ProDrive class. I thought I would learn about the Ferrari and where its limits were. I had always considered myself a pretty good driver. I can heel/toe, shift smoothly, and know how to correct a slide – usually. What I took away way was 180 degrees from what I expected. Never did I get close to the Ferrari’s limits but I was able to explore the edges of what I realized were my very meager skills as a driver.

I learned several things that day and will do my best to share them with you.

The number one thing.

Please do not underestimate this bit of knowledge it will save you thousands of dollars and allow you to confuse, humiliate, and infuriate owners of really fast cars.

Ready?

The driver matters more than the car. That’s it. For getting around a track quickly or down a twisty bit of road the driver is more important. Sure the car plays a role but a great driver will be quicker in an average car than an average driver in a great car.

I know what you are thinking, “Give me a break, your Ferrari is faster than my Honda, I would never be able to keep up with you.” In a straight line my Ferrari and I would probably to go faster than you and your Honda. But what about turning, braking, accelerating, picking the right line? If you are the better driver I bet I won’t be unable to keep up. Why, because your ability as a driver more than compensates for the greater ability of my car.

Here is my rational, based entirely on what I learned that Thursday. A driver is only able to extract as much performance from a car as the driver’s mixture of skill and experience will allow. Sounds obvious. There is more, the car’s capacity, in most cases, provides a performance threshold which is beyond the average driver’s ability to safely exploit.

The relationship between car and driver relative to skill and capacity is straightforward. As driver skill increases the difference between the ultimate capacity of the car and the realized capacity of the car decreases. Will a poor driver be able to go faster in a fantastic car than in a mediocre one? Sure, the product of the equation is affected by the cars capacity. Further, overall capability of the car plus driver is always less than the total capacity of the car. How much less depends on how good the driver is in relation to the car. In my case, overall capacity was far below the capacity of the 355.

Luckily, driver capacity can be improved through training and the gap between total capacity and realized capacity can be reduced. The relationship between car and driver was driven home my first day on the track. I did not pass anyone.

The Aston Martin passed me.

The Corvette passed me.

I was passed by everyone else. No matter what they were driving. The Subaru, the Honda passed me. They were all better drivers.

I have always been impressed by fast cars. I know, or think I know their statistics, 0 to 60, horsepower, lateral G, active suspension, fastest time around the Ring. It’s all nonsense, not good for anything other than bragging rights. Buying a fast car may win a crummy driver the admiration of high school kids and points with the enthusiast crowd at the local cars and coffee but I have a new goal, to win admiration of good drivers regardless of the car I am in.

Important item number two.

I learned that the guide I had been using to judge when a car is at its limit was totally inaccurate. When Tony and I were going through turns he kept saying more gas, more gas. At the time I could not imagine applying more gas. Were the tires squealing? Was the car feeling loose? No. The car was flat and solid, the tires silent. Tony said more than once, this car has a lot more to give. He was right.

My internal calculations of what a car can do are not calibrated for a Ferrari. What are they calculated for? Probably the 83 Mazda RX7 I had in college. I was close to picking the right line and was rolling on the throttle smoothly but I was doing it all at ½ speed.

I learned that what I once thought was the limit, what I once thought was fast wasn’t. I had new appreciation for fast.

Important item number three.

The experience left me with a greater appreciation for what a complex set of tasks driving entails and all the risks encountered when driving on the road. Once I left the track I realized traffic was coming at me, people were driving way too close to one another, they were talking on phones, sipping coffee, and scolding kids. Somewhere in the midst of all this they had take stock of the ever changing road surface, the cars around them and their relative speeds and directions.

Add all that up and you have a dangerous, uncontrolled environment. When I left the track I was terrified driving down the freeway, even though I felt I could get out and walk faster than the 60 MPH traffic.

Important item number four.

Next year, if I go to the Enzo dinner I will be able to leave the parking lot properly. I learned what to do when the Ferrari starts to slide. At one point, during a session after just it had rained a bit I got on the gas too hard exiting the chicane. The car slid. The ground was wet and while we were going slower than during the sessions when it was dry track the car lost traction because of my clumsy foot. I did a much better job of controlling this slide. I did not immediately let off the gas and resisted the urge to violently over correct. It was not graceful but I kept the car pointed in the right direction and Tony only made a passing remark about being more careful with the throttle.

So how do you keep a Ferrari from sliding around? Don’t ask it to do too many things at once. When you think about it there are really only four things you ask of a car. Speed up, slow down, turn, or maintain speed. At the track the very first thing I learned was I had to use the brakes to slow down for corners. It is seldom on the road that I am driving fast enough I have to brake for a corner. On the track if I had to brake for every corner. If not, one of two things would have been true. Either I was going too slowly or I would end up getting well acquainted with a tire wall.

If you get to drive on the track or if you are going fast enough on the road that you need to brake for a corner don’t ask your car to slow down and turn simultaneously. Get all the busy, distracting stuff involved with slowing down and changing gears done while the car is going straight. Let the car settle down then turn.

Why? Turning unsettles the car, braking unsettles the car, and shifting unsettles the car. Together, these unsettling events reduce the tire’s grip and the speed at which you can safely get through the corner. Easy stuff, but watch other drivers. Most people apply their brakes when turning and do not release the brake until they are well past the apex of the turn.

That’s it. That’s what I learned. Drivers are important, I had been using the wrong gauge to estimate my cars’ limits, driving on the road is scary, and only ask a car to do one think at a time.

I had several reasons for taking the driving course. One was to safely explore the limits of the car. I didn’t get there. I safely explored the limits of what I was capable of. I wanted to improve my ability to drive the car. Job done, but I could have learned so much more. If you have the opportunity to take a driving class, listen to your instructor.

I left a bunch of potential learning on the table. Tony kept saying “get on the gas, get on the gas, quit coasting” as we were going through turns. At that time I knew we were at the limit. I was wrong we were nowhere near the limit. It seemed like we were going so fast. I will defiantly be back at the track and when there I will do some things differently. Trust the car, listen to the instructor, and push myself. There were a few, fleeting moments when I got it right. Tony would immediately say “Did you feel that? Did you feel how the car unwinds more quickly when you are on the gas?”

Yes, I did feel it, when I get back to the track, more gas.

Chapter 12 - Let the Tinkering Begin

Let the Tinkering Begin


The parking lot attendant at our office likes the car. When I first drove it to work he quizzed me about it.

“How much did this car cost?”

“Not as much as you might think.”

“It is new?”

“No, a 98.”

“Looks like a new car.”

“Tell me, how much did you pay?”

“Just over seventy thousand.”

“Seventy thousand for a car! You can buy a house for less than that.”

Now he tells people the car is his. He lets them take pictures but won’t let them get to close.

“You can take a picture but stay away from my car.”

Starting Friday April 11 2008 the “SLOW DOWN” came on every other time I drove the Ferrari home from work. At the time I thought the car was trying to tell me something.

“Don’t drive me to work, what do you think I am? A sedan? Some pedestrian four door piece of garbage? You think I am a sedan. I know it. How dare you treat me like this? I deserve better.”

The warning light came on at almost exactly the same spot where it appeared the first day I had the car. Literally, within ten feet, right before the left turn I make onto Humphrey Boulevard. I was driving home from work then as well. Each time the light went off within a few seconds. I am not making this up.

Perhaps in the roughly four miles between my office and the Sylvan exit the car was exceeding its temperature threshold but why did the warning light go off almost immediately? Why did it not come on when I drive the car, often in a more spirited nature and for much longer distances, on the weekend?

In addition to the intermittent “SLOW DOWN” light the car developed had developed another small problem. The light(s) that illuminate the speedometer, tachometer, and other gauges no longer worked. This was only inconvenient if I drove at night and was interested how fast I was going or how much gas was left. I hoped it was just a fuse. I did not want to consider the effort it would take get up into the space behind the gauges to change a bulb.

It took a few minutes but I found the fuse box and happily discovered that my dash light problem was due to a blown fuse. Ferrari had been kind enough to supply spare fuses so problem solved. Deep down I suspected the problem was greater than a blown fuse. Fuses do not self destruct just for fun. I was pretty sure there was a short somewhere in the circuit protected by this fuse but at that instant I chose to believe that changing the fuse would solve my problem.

While looking for the fuse box I discovered the CD changer and a big knob that says “OFF”. I thought the car had a CD player but as I can’t imagine listening to anything other than the motor I had never looked for it.

In case you ever have to change a fuse in a 355 the fuse box is in the luggage compartment, on the driver’s side, just behind the headlight assembly. It is not under that odd little bump in front of the windshield, no matter how hard you look under that odd little bump, which is shaped just like a fuse box, you will not find any fuses.

To get to the fuse box you have to remove a carpeted cover. The cover is held in place with bolts that don’t look like bolts. They look more like something you would pull to release, not turn. Each one has a little Cavallino on the top. Later I learned that some 355s were supplied with an almost identical looking device that had to be pulled. Once you remove this cover you will see a bunch of wires, connected to a weird machined aluminum block with metal tubes coming out of it and a plastic cover. The fuse is under the plastic cover. There are two nuts which hold it in place.

Why am I telling you this?

Because the owner’s manual does not. It simply says the fuse box is in luggage compartment and provides a diagram of the fuse box. The diagram has to be held upside down to line up with the fuses unless of course you are standing in the luggage compartment.

This would be annoying in my Toyota. Come to think of it a blown fuse would be unacceptable in my Toyota but in the Ferrari it was endearingly idiosyncratic. While searching through the owner’s manual for clues to the short I came across the following gem.

“Warning - Always remove the ignition key when leaving the car in order to avoid risk to passengers remaining in the car who may accidentally operate the window switches.”

I chose not test the fuse right away. I knew it was going to blow the instant I turned the lights on. A few days later when driving home around dusk I had got my answer. No lights. The fuse I replaced was also blown. Is it correct to say a fuse has blown? Not sure. In any case the instrument lights did not work. To add insult to injury the lid that covers the gas cap is no longer opening. To open the gas lid you push a button on the central console, a little pin retracts, and a spring forces the lid open.

My hunch was that the spring no longer had the oomph to open the door. Unfortunately, I cannot buy just the spring. I can buy the entire hinge assembly for $72 but I would like to try to fix it myself before replacing the whole thing. I don’t think the electo – magnet (Ferrari’s term) is bad because the pin holding the door closed is retracting.

Back to the fuse.

According to the owner’s manual the instrument lights are on the same circuit as the lights which illuminate the license plate. This circuit appears to have nothing to do with the gas cap lid. Since would be easier to check the license plate lights than remove the instrument panel I decided to start with them. No luck. I was hoping to find a frayed wire partially welded to the rear bumper. Nope, everything was in good shape. I took the time to clean the sooty exhaust buildup off the bulbs, lenses, and bracket. When I was done I had very clean license plate lights which still did not work.

Some online research pointed the possibility of a problem with the ground for the instrument panel lights. Unfortunately the ground is located behind a vent with no convenient or even inconvenient access. I can get to the ground by removing the vent or the instrument panel. As neither seemed like easy options I decided to remove the pod which holds the instrument panel. The vent is fairly small and I don’t think I could fit my hands in there to do any work.

On a quiet Saturday morning, right after I made a cup of coffee, I went into the garage, set up my shop light and went to work.

That’s not entirely true.

I was too impatient to wait until the coffee was done. I ground the beans, went to the garage and set the shop light up, went back in the house and poured boiling water into the French press, back to the garage to find and remove the two screws holding the instrument pod in place, back in the house to press the coffee.

The 355’s dash has three major components, the instrument pod, the upper dash and the lower dash. All three are covered with leather. In my car the instrument pod and the upper dash are black. The lower dash is Bordeaux. Removing the instrument pod requires a Phillips head screwdriver and no mechanical aptitude what so ever. Remove the two screws near the bottom, lift the end facing you up and pivot the back down to free it from a bracket.

Both articles I read recommending turning off the power to the car prior to removing the instrument pod. Remember when I was poking around looking for the fuse box and I found a knob with the word “OFF” on it? In the 355 you turn that knob to “OFF” instead of disconnecting the battery. Cool huh? I figured I would start out following the directions. There would be plenty of opportunities to disregard instructions and do what I wanted.

I also took the precaution of covering the steering column with a cloth to protect it from scratches. The steering column is covered with two trim pieces made from the silly putty rubber product that Ferrari used on the interior of the 355. I am sure this product had some redeeming features at one time if it still does they are lost on me. In spite of my precaution I scratched the top of the steering column. You wouldn’t notice it if you were not looking. I will notice it every time I get in the car. I had planned on replacing the lower of the two panels, now I will have to replace both. The material is so soft you could scratch it by covering it with terry cloth and yelling at it.

In the manual version of the 355 there are six different wiring connectors which need to be disconnected to remove the instrument pod. There is no need to mark them as they are all different shapes. After a minute of two of fiddling they came apart and the instrument pod was free.

At this point I had a Ferrari with a big hole in the dash. Nice. The car looked like had I stolen it and was parting it out to pay for drugs.



With the pod out I looked at the ground. It was not really “behind” the vent. It was behind and to the side of the vent, enough so that my big fingers would never be able to get to it. The ground looked fine. Makes sense, the gauges still worked and they were connected to the same ground.

I wish I would have thought of that before removing the instrument pod.

I messed with all the wires looking for corrosion, burns, or any other weird stuff but found nothing. I loosened the screws that connect the lighting rheostat to gauges and made sure they were making a good connection. Before connecting the wiring and putting the instrument in place I cleaned and conditioned the leather.

I doubt I fixed the problem but I didn’t have a 7.5 AMP fuse to test my work, having destroyed all the spares Ferrari was nice enough to provide.

I was right. I did not fix whatever was causing the fuse to blow. Luckily it does not appear that I broke anything while I had the dash apart. I picked up a packet of 7.5 AMP fuses, put one in, turned the key far enough to provide power to the headlights but not so far as to start the motor. No instrument lights. Checking the fuse revealed it was blown. With the ignition off, I put another fuse in, and immediately pulled it back out to check it. Still intact, I put it back in and turned the key. I did not turn the lights on. When I checked the fuse it had blown. Hmm, gonna have to think about this.

Inexplicably my tinkering with the dash and license plate bulbs has fixed sticky fuel lid. I know the two systems have nothing to do with one another. Well, I think the two systems have nothing to do with one another and I cannot fathom how my messing with the dash or the lights would have any effect on the fuel lid but it now works perfectly. My efforts were not completely in vain.

A new approach was needed. I called another Ferrari owner with more mechanically aptitude than I. Kevin Matlock and I met on a wine country drive with arranged by a mutual friend, Jon Lebre. Barb and I met Kevin and Jon at a Starbucks.

We drove out to JK Carrier, a winery in the Yamhill valley. Jim Prosscer, owner/winemaker/friend, was bottling wine but took a break from his day to taste a few wines with us. The road we took to Jim’s winery was bumpy so I switched the 355 to comfort mode. If there was a difference in the ride quality I could not detect it. The only way I was sure the car was in “Comfort” mode was a big orange warning light shaped like a shock absorber.

Kevin suggested removing all the bulbs, putting in a new fuse, and adding bulbs until the fuse blew, this way if the short was in one of the bulbs I would locate it and could replace the bulb. I had already put the dash back together so I tried this approach with the license plate bulbs.

No luck. However, motivated by Kevin’s scientific approach I experimented with the light switch in different positions. The fuse did not blow if the exterior lights were off. This led me to conclude that the short is between the lights and the relay. Maybe.

I needed a break from the electrical gremlins. I decided to wax the hood and front fender, a project where my chance of success was pretty high. Shortly after buying the car I purchased a bottle of Zymol. I did not think different brands of wax would have such a large difference. I used good wax before but I can see the difference made by the Zymol. I can also smell the difference. Zymol smells like banana vanilla wafer pudding. I love banana vanilla wafer pudding but ate too much when I was young. Since then I have not been able to eat it. Luckily, the smell brings back only fond memories.

Waxing the car started my love hate relationship with its paint. The color is beautiful with a wonderful liquid quality. It is one of those colors which changes dramatically depending on the light. On a cloudy day the paint takes on a silvery blue tint. In bright sun the blue is gone and metallic titanium dominates. The paint is beautiful as long as the surface has not had to face any road debris. The lower section of the hood, front edges of the fenders and mirrors have taken a beating. My 911 has more than 78,000 miles on it. It has fewer paint chips than the Ferrari. I think the chips are due to the amazingly thin paint. Don’t get me wrong it is not poor quality paint or a bad paint job. It is just thin paint.

The paint chips gave me an excuse to go to Tonkin. A previous owner tried to touch up a few chips with the wrong color of silver. Steve Wintermantel, the fellow I would have bribed with Borolo had my Ferrari buying experience been exactly what I expected, called their service center and asked them to send over a vial of grigio titanio paint. While waiting we looked at a F40, 599, and 456 which were parked in their garage and a Radical on the showroom floor.

Steve suggested I ask Kelly, RTGT’s service manager, about the short. I drove to their service center hoping to get some tips on fixing the fuse. “Bring it to us, we will fix it.” was all Kelly would offer up. I suspect he knew something I did not. Letting Tonkin fix the car would have been the right choice. At the time and now as well I doubted my ability to find the short and didn’t want to end up with pieces of the Ferrari spread all over the garage and be unable to put it back together. Regardless I was not ready to give up quite yet. Not ready to admit I could not fix it.

There were other reasons not to take the car to Tonkin.

Tonkin would fix the car. No doubt about that but I would have to pay for it. Taking the car to Tonkin would ruin my plan. Gone would be my goal of spending no money on maintenance. Not only would my plan be shot but I was worried about other issues Tonkin might find. The “Slow Down” light probably will not fix itself. I was afraid Tonkin would find all sorts of things wrong with the car, that my perfect car was not so perfect. If so I did not want to know.

I took another run at the short but this time I was prepared. Well maybe not prepared but better equipped than before. I bought a multimeter. Before starting I made the mistake of looking up the cost of new gauges, $2,718.59 for the set. How’s that for exact pricing? Not $2,699 or $2,719 but $2,718.59 and not a penny less. I didn’t imagine the gauges are causing the short, after all they still work. Looking up the price was macabre entertainment.

I laid out a big moving blanket, tools, and my new multimeter on the garage floor behind the car. The multimeter was just like the one my Dad had when I was a kid, the old fashioned kind with a needle. I removed the license plate light assembly and bulbs. Presto, continuity. Like I thought, or anyway like I hoped, there was a short somewhere on this circuit.

What I still didn’t know was if the license plate bulbs and the gauge bulbs are on the same circuit. I decided to assume they were. There was evidence which pointed to my assumption being false. According to the owner’s manual the gauges share the circuit with the license plate bulbs. The gauges still worked it was just the lights which are out.

I worked my way up the wire from the license plate bulb to a junction, disconnected the junction and tested the upstream end. Continuity again. The short was further up. I continued working my way up the wire. Unfortunately, the air intake got in the way. To get past the air intake I had to remove a panel, about eight inches wide and a few feet long that Ferrari put in place to hide wires and hoses. With the panel out of the way I was able to remove the hose connecting the air filter box to the intake on the side of the car, behind the passenger’s ear.

The hose is flexible, made out of fabric, and takes an odd route from the intake vent near the front of the engine to the air filter box at the rear. I followed the bundle of wires as far as I could before they disappeared into the bowels of the car. I did not find anything that looked or felt like a short.

Everything went smoothly until I was replacing the Allen bolts I had removed to take out the panel. Each had a washer and I dropped the washer from the last bolt into the engine bay. On a regular car this would not have been a big deal. The washer would bounce off the exhaust manifold and land on the garage floor. In the Ferrari it landed on the tray that runs from the front to the back. I considered leaving it there to fall out the next time I drove but that did not seem right so I took a coat hanger bent it straight and fished it out. Barb asked what I was doing.

“Building custom Ferrari maintenance tools.”

With the car back together I tested the circuit at the license plate bulb. No short. Fantastic, maybe my wiggling of wires had temporarily fixed it. Then I remembered I had not reconnected the junction. Still shorted.

Know what would help?

A wiring diagram. Anyone who knew what they were doing would have looked for a wiring diagram after the second fuse blew. Since I have no idea what I was doing it took me several days to come to the conclusion that a wiring diagram would help.

I could not find one anywhere. Then I had an idea. I went to the Ricambi site, found the parts catalog for a 5.7 Motronic 355 and looked up the part diagram for the license plate light. Ah ha, a wiring diagram. Well kinda, more like a top view of the car with some lines showing the routes of the various wire bundles. The wire I am interested in runs from just above the license plate around the engine on the passenger side then behind the passenger bulkhead to the center tunnel. From there it runs under the ashtray and up into the dash. It goes nowhere near the gas cap lid.

Maybe I nicked the wire when I was installing my new ashtray. After I tucked the kids in I went into the garage, set up my shop light, we have terribly weak lighting in our garage, and took the ashtray out. No luck. The wires are well below and too the side of the screw that holds the ashtray in.

Uncle. I surrender. Tonkin it is all yours. Really, I mean it. I hope there is nothing other than the short and the catalytic converter ECUs wrong with the car.

The instant I decided to let Tonkin take care of the car I realized no matter how much it costs to fix, no matter how much I spent on maintenance I would not regret buying this car.