Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Is a Ferrari a cure for a mid life crisis? (revisisted)

In my last month of Ferrari ownership is has occurred to me that while I knew what it was about my life I wanted to change I do not know and cannot clearly articulate what outcome I am seeking. I can describe the problems, the things I am unhappy with, but I cannot, clearly, describe how I would like them to be. I have also come to understand that while the act of deciding to buy a Ferrari, buying it, and some of the experiences I had with it over the course of the year were helpful towards my goal of self betterment the car as a physical entity was not. If anything it is getting in the way. Instead of focusing my energy on exactly identifying the underlying, structural components of my life, my self, which I wanted to modify I focused on activities surrounding a car. Granted, I wanted to change my life to one where having a Ferrari and enjoying the Ferrari lifestyle was a component but the car alone was not enough to affect structural change. The Ferrari was supposed to be a prop to help me change and initially it was but quickly it became an anchor in a transitional state.

Possibly the best part of my one year with a Ferrari was my one month without the car. During this month I reaped the benefit of having bought and driven the car but I did not have it underfoot on a daily basis. I did not need to worry about washing it or driving it and could spend more time focused on writing this book and analyzing my progress. I did not expect the Ferrari to solve any of the issues I was seeking to address through the process of buying it. I did expect it to cause me to be different or to be a constant reminder of what I was trying to do. Like a tattoo or dying my hair a funny color. I did not expect it to become a hindrance to my progress.
Now I find myself at a phase where quiet introspection is more valuable to my goal of changing my life than activities focused on the Ferrari. How does the car get in the way? I feel obligated to drive it. To do things with it.

I am not complaining. I am glad I bought the car and have no regrets. However, for my purposes six months with a Ferrari may have been equally as valuable.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear dad, I love you so much! I can't wait to see you tonight. I can't wait to go trick-or-treating with you tonight! ALEX